I was at Naturopathy Centre conducting 4-days Camp ‘Ultimate Life’ where one of the participants asked me about his ever-bothering issue with his father. Every other sentence he said was, “But he never understands me.” Most of the teenagers or even young-adults that I interact with on a daily basis have this common issue. This post is targeted at catering to the sometimes (or for some people ‘often’) straining relationship that we share with our parents. Now the first way to diffuse this tension or stress is to know that having an unsure equation with your parents is NORMAL, i.e., EVERYONE GOES THROUGH IT.

So once you generalize this problem, you shall be able to look at its solution very objectively too. The major reason for a see-saw like a relationship that we have with our parents is because of the obvious generational gap. They belong to a generation we know too little or sometimes nothing about. This is a fact, not an excuse for you to build problems with your parents. You cannot cite ‘generational gap’ as a problem or an issue that you share with your parents. The only way to deal with it is to accept it. Of course, there’s a generational gap and that’s what makes it beautiful in the first place!

The problem actually arises when this generational gap leads to a lack of communication between you and your parents. This is when you will begin to feel like your parents don’t understand you. But for once, why don’t you take the responsibility for this problem and then look at the said issue in a new light? Have you ever tried to rationally convey your point of view in front of them? Why does it ALWAYS have to be an intense argument or a fight? Why can’t it be a conversation? A relationship is always built upon both parties working equally hard at it. So by rebelling if you think that you are doing your part of the job, then you are highly mistaken!

Learn to talk often. By talking I mean having meaningful conversations. Talk about your interests actively with your parents instead of only sharing them with your close friends. This is the problem. All of us are so comfortable with being our true selves only with our friends that we don’t take our parents seriously or our parents don’t actually understand/know who we truly are. So instead of talk about your likes, dislikes, favorites, failures, problems within your friends’ circle etc. with your parents. A huge part of correct communication is also active listening. So don’t just rant about your things to your parents, but also listen to them when they are talking instead of ignoring. Sometimes our parents tend to keep their emotions inside, so when you feel like they are not telling you everything, take the responsibility of asking them questions. This could be something as simple as asking them about how their day went!

The generation gap will always be a victim unless you do something about it. Take interest in what they like such that they take interest in what you do as well. Make your parents a part of your new world with your new technologies and social media. Teach your parents certain things that might interest them and in turn, you shall be surprised at how fun-loving they tend to become. Of course, this too is a two-way street. So let them also teach you certain things that solely belong to their generation, and learn those things with equal interest. Don’t make them feel like they don’t belong! This is the simplest way to spend quality time together!

One significant loophole that exists in the relation we have with our parents is that we don’t think before we speak! This is why sometimes we hurt our parents unintentionally, even if sometimes we are right! This is extremely important during disagreements – to think before speaking. Disagreements should lead to debates and discussions and NOT fights and quarrels. So learn to eat up your words once in a while especially if it can save you the trouble of an argument! Also, it might seem idealistic but take their advice. They are more experienced in life and even though their generation/methods seem outdated, sometimes they tend to work! Don’t make them feel unworthy. Listen and heed to their advice.

You can choose to read my book ‘Formula for Students’ and gift ‘Formula for Parents’ book (Available in Gujarati & English as well) to your mom-dad for a loving and harmonious relationship.

These are some of the very basic mistakes that we commit and then feel a sincere emotional gap between us and our parents. It is just about shifting that perspective and changing certain basic habits to feel oneness again. And it is okay to fight once in a while, it is NORMAL. That’s what makes you a family. Don’t dramatize it, learn from it and make continuous efforts to ensure that your relationship is a healthy one!